The Barefoot And Baffled Blog

This is the second book I have just published, also available from Amazon Books: Barefoot, Baffled and Bullshitting. "Taking the form of short stories, musings and, regrettably, poetry, Barefoot, Baffled and Bullshitting is a collection of snapshots of the endeavour of random and arbitrary members of the human species, frozen in space and time. It observes them as they scratch around in the cosmic dust of their largely pointless existences, kicking up showers of perplexity, delusion and self-inflicted trauma, driven by that age-old motivation of the clueless: it seemed like a good idea at the time." Available at:  https://www.amazon.com/Barefoot-Baffled-Bullshitting-Titillating-Triviality/dp/1724851497/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1537873788&sr=1-1&keywords=Barefoot%2C+Baffled+and+Bullshitting&dpID=41mjc6BD5ML&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

It's been quiet on this blog for a while because I took time out to publish three books, all available from Amazon Books. This is the first one: "Between The Sea and The Sand is a collection of loosely related short stories that document the troubles, tribulations and, occasionally, the minor triumphs of a bemused and clueless beginner surfer. Featuring such endearing characters as the moon (prominently), the sun (very rarely), and sharks (disturbingly regularly), as well as whales, dolphins and an array of intriguing humans, it explores the vagaries of trying to stand still and hold on to your breakfast while everything around you, including the sky, is moving, shaking, rumbling, roaring and collapsing." Available at: https://www.amazon.com/Between-Sea-Sand-Wishful-Thinking/dp/1723253413/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1534070881&sr=1-1&keywords=Between+The+Sea+and+The+Sand&dpID=51qJBpyTkuL&preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch ...

Merry in the greenwood, what a load of crap  the bugs are crawling on my skin, the bats fly in my face no cure for gonorrhea, no treatment for the clap I’m sleeping under leaking leaves, a dumb and draughty place Merry in the greenwood, stick it up your arse there are no street signs anywhere, I can’t see where to go without my life insurance, this is a deadly farce I want salvation, absolution, purchased from a pro Merry in the greenwood, a load of cock and bull I’d rather watch the traffic through the window of a cab not be carrying a backpack, with useless gear too full the drinking water’s full of slugs, where is my VB slab? Merry in the greenwood, let it burn in hell I’m stinking hot throughout the day and freezing cold at night I’ll never know a better day than when this scrub gets felled when trucks and chainsaws take this useless timber from my sight Merry in the greenwood, what a heap of tripe you talk to me of ecologic value, is this it? the ...

Well on the day that Lucas Heights blew off its roof into the sky and all the pretty Sydney lights went out and the air-con it ran dry I sat high up in my unit looking out on Coogee Beach as life below ground to a halt, with a fearsome anguished screech Well I’d just logged off the Internet and turned on my TV I was about to watch a movie on my brandnew DVD when my dishwasher, my dryer and my trusty microwave my stereo cut out, my flat it went quiet as a grave Well I sat there speechless, thunderstruck, my mobile in my hand I found the silence on the other side too hard to comprehend for my busy lifestyle leaves no time to put food in the fridge I always dial my dinner in, from the tuckshop by the bridge Well I waded through my carpet wall to wall two inches thick I tried to graze upon the fibres but they only made me sick my remote control French doors shut out my million dollar view just like Picasso on my wall, my face started to turn blue Well I’d been stuck...

Way back in the days of old, when people lived in mud when the lice were crawling in their hair, their arms were caked with blood the chickenshit between their toes stuck to their strawbag beds they had one hand to wipe their arse and one to shake with folks they met All their waste went out the door and floated down the street where the mangy dogs would for the mutton bones and turds compete the bathing of the body in a bath was thought unwise and when the rats danced on the tables all the people fell like flies Aching teeth were pulled out with a string tied to a rock and the blokes who screwed around died of a black and rotten cock all ailing limbs were treated with a hammer, saw and nails and cut off, cauterised with tar and pitch when everything else failed Now evolution progress is a many-splendoured thing with its multitude of blessings and the benefits they bring alerted to the risk and danger of airborne disease now people wear a plastic bag around their ...