How To Be Tactful When Talking To Women, Part I: What Not To Say
It’s night time, and The Woman and myself are standing companionably around the stove, ready to cook our dinner. She lurches and staggers on the spot with a glass of gin in her hand, then leans forward to try to light the flame. She pumps the ignition sparking thing several times. When nothing happens she leans forward so her hair falls over her head, sticks her nose into the ring of the burner and swears profusely and imaginatively at length on the subject of stoves, their manufacturers, their ancestry into the sixth generation and what she’ll do to them when she gets her hands on them. In doing so she accidentally finally manages to get a spark from the sparking gadget, which crackles into the amassed cloud of unburned gas sitting on top of the stove and sets it alight. It goes KAWOOBEE!! A flash of blue flame lights up her face, narrowly avoiding incinerating her eyebrows and melting her hair. She stumbles back, catches herself, swears with feeling, grumbles, and, for go...